exhausted/vent/ramlbe/bjnk;n;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

so sick of holding things together.
who am I?
why am I depending on you for my happiness?
i use to be so Okay with spending the night alone with a book
where is my independence?

i lost another scholarship today...the big one
college drop out?
wonderful

i want to cry
im so far away from God

I WANT MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT BACK
i am so broke and that scares the crap out of me

i am so uncomfortable with myself

thoughts thoughts thoughts
they wont stop!!!
they are so fast and i cant organize them

ok yeah lexi's room is haunted
i want to start a new life somewhere so bad

what happens when you have no one to pick you up
i know lexi is getting so tired of me talking about how crappy life is
 i know that annoys her

i am so lonely
i am so tire of being responsible on my own

why wont my phone ring!!
what is wrong with me?
i am so desperate and that kills me
i am so selfish
i have a good life
and i am venting about boys and not having enough money to go to the beach

the world can bring you down
it hurts falling off the mounatin
i want to cry
i am losing all hope
3rd guy and he doesnt even like me
WOW. talk about low self esteem.
i want to be skinny. i want attention. i want to be obsessed
i want to be who i use to be

i want to hate drinking
i love drinking
i love church
i love god

i wish my sister would come home
i hate feeling like this and i hate work
and i hate rent and bugs and boys

and everyone that is in love
most of all
i hate that i hate.
it hurts. 

chocolate wins evertime i hate you too
is this making me stronger
i hate being home aloneeeeeeee

I FEEL LIKE A NEED A MILLION HUGS

caught in between

Eluvium - The Motion Makes Me Last

How does the motion make me last
I shuffle forward and I’m back
I can be questioning my thoughts
But not looking for what I lack

What is it that has my mind so hypnotized
When shapes are for looking at
And their colors create my mood
I’m a vessel between two places I’ve never been

To seek a further more formal design
Creation is a pathogen
What’s more than subtle in these lines
I know you’re looking forward to them

What is it that has my mind so hypnotized
Evolving on a thought that you’ve half realized
Life is real only then when I am… I am surprised
Shapes are for looking at
And their colors create my mood
I’m a vessel between two places I’ve never been

$18 of Taco Bell and Yellow Cake

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

Vanilla Dreams

Drenched in vanilla,
waist-deep in thought.
Just a hopeless romantic,
capturing life in snapshots.

Eyes of dreams
a vision of Love,
the kind the world finds obscene,
the kind people let go of.

But you can't give up.
and you can't let go.
It takes time
for Love to grow.
And it takes Heart
to touch another's soul.

Keep Hope through silence.
Keep the butterflies alive.
Practice Patience,
it's the only way they'll survive.

i bought a new dress

take me out tonight
where there's music and there's people
and they're young and alive
i want to see life
with you by my side

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Bonnarooooooooooo! It is coming! This year Miss Sassy is going with me. Finally, she will understand why  conversation always leads to Bonnaroo.

my conclusion

So i guess you were one of those people who were supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, then walk away.